are we ready? (wreck)

“I don’t think feelings change, not people. I think situations change. I know that it’s possible to dislike someone after loving them so much or to love someone after feeling so much hate towards them but, it’s not because people change, it’s because it’s not the same anymore. It’s because something made you think differently, something opened your eyes, something caused you to see everyday the way it is at last. It’s like days. Days can be cloudy, or days can be sunny but days don’t change, the weather does. And nothing can play a part in that or fix that, they can just let it be.”

I came across that while scrolling through my Tumblr archives. I don’t remember re-blogging that even though it was quite recent, but then again people can’t really recall what they’ve done when they weren’t in the right state, no? I must have been very down when I re-blogged that. Now that I’m a little well, I analyzed the text post and it dawned on me: that’s it. I’ve always thought of it as feelings having the tendency to change but I’ve never really looked at things from the circumstances’ perspective. Not that feelings can’t change, but I think people overlook the fact that situations play a part too.

This goes the same when it comes to really liking people as well, I feel. “People become attractive over time as you get to know them. Someone who you once felt completely neutral towards can make your stomach do somersaults. It’s not that they were not good looking to begin with, it’s just that things happened which made your conscience ease up and your heart changed. Good character can contribute to how someone perceives you.”

Things happened. The more time you spend with them, the more in-depth conversations occur, the more you know the way they think and how you accept it wholly. Everything about the individual. See how it’s due to situations too? It can of course be applied to people who in the end, don’t seem the way they are anymore because of the little things they do that make you take a step back and think, “this isn’t it.” It’s not that the person is bad–no no, it’s far from that, I think everyone will always have a bunch of good qualities, it’s just that you don’t see yourself with the person anymore. Someone else will be with the individual and you believe he/she will be better with other people and how you yourself are better off without them. Again, it’s not because the person is bad. Sometimes you just have to simply let go.

There have been a couple of circumstances when I really just want to be the one who can make a difference in people’s lives. I wanted to be a good best friend. In 2012, I was told I achieved that, I did more than enough at times even, but I just wasn’t the one. This kinda happened recently too albeit in a different aspect. I don’t really want to talk about it just because I haven’t healed fully but I’m starting to accept it. It hurts, oh how hellish does it feel. But like I said, I’m pretty fine in general minus the frequent breakdowns. I just gotta stop being so hard on myself. Things like these take time. Gotta achieve self-love first before anything, right?

I’ll try and make myself happy.

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