conveyed

The Adjective / I Hope You’re Doing Well

I’ve spent my whole life catching up
But what if there’s nothing to catch up to
What if I’ve been right where I need to be
Being on track always felt so strange to me

Tell me all about your friends
And every place you’ve ever been
I’m dying to know your voice
Like the back of my hand
And tell me me how the hell you’ve been
Life’s too short so keep a grin
I hope you’re doing what you love
And love whoever you’re there with

You only get so many second chances
Don’t waste a second second guessing
Not everything’s always your fault
Life’s not always simple
You don’t have to hate yourself.

the hardest part is forgetting those you swore you would never forget

If I could paint you a picture of all the misery you had unknowingly put me through, it’d be too grotesque you may want to wish you hadn’t even caught a glimpse of it.

If I could paint you a picture of all the happiness you brought into my life before my downfall, it’d be incomplete, though all sunshine and rainbows that you wish you could see more.

I wish the latter had continued. I wish the separation had been done a lot more peacefully; not so abrupt, not like you just laid it all down for me in carefully constructed sentences because you didn’t want to hurt me but that’s the irony of it all. You did. At the same time, it’s not fully your fault either. 

And ever since, I can’t paint beautifully anymore. They either end up being too messy, or I couldn’t deal with it and just crumple it–chuck it elsewhere, most probably the bin. I miss you so much and I wish we’re still talking, still good friends, still sharing our thoughts and opinions but with something new: having a barrier.

But I get what you said. Continuing from where we left off or being too normal with each other could result in me facing a bigger loss.

I’m sorry. I’m just really sad it had to be this way and I think you can tell. Nevermind. I hope you’re healthy and maybe one day I could catch up with you. Can I?

zero for conduct

I have been rotting away at home. Work ended for me about half a month ago and ever since, my mind and everything else have been restless. I’ve been so cooped up with my emotions that it hasn’t done me any good. I am not productive. I’m feeding all the pessimism and negativity in my life. I’m tired for all the wrong reasons. I want to be busy. I want to give my all to something that’ll wear me out at the end of the day but solely because I’ve been working very hard. I love working, honestly, or being busy in general. I love the thrill of having to hand in submissions by the end of the week. I know I always complain during the actual setting but deep down, I’m thankful for it. Call me weird or simply messed up but I don’t care. Right now I don’t like where I am. If anyone can give me tips on how to be productive or do great things without having to fork out a lot of money, hit me up.