I hate it when people apologize just to get rid of any guilt. I hate it when they apologize just so they are seen as the nicer ones in the situation. I hate it when they apologize but don’t do anything to make up for it. Nothing bugs me more than all talk and no action. Understand that you’ve hurt/caused trouble for some people and if you’re only constantly apologizing to make yourself feel good at the end of the day, the only person you should say sorry to is yourself.
These days my thoughts have been all over the place. Inconsistent. A downfall at a point, soaring up in the sky the other. I do not want to fall tragically when I have been trying so hard to maintain the previous state. It sucks because I know what the triggers are and yet, despite numerous attempts to get away from them all, they would come crawling back, almost like they’re in disbelief. Is she really trying? I want to cry and that’s exactly what I have been doing. I drown in my own tears and emotions and would only successfully resurface when life smacks me intensely in the guts. It’s 3 am, better sleep now because you have school in 4 hours. I didn’t think such an event could haunt me so badly but yeah, newsflash, it can and it is. It also sucks because the one person whom I thought would not hurt me at all, did, and it’s the kind of wound that I don’t even know if such a cure exists. My ego is bruised, my heart is bruised, my mind is bruised. I feel like someone just continuously punches me until I’m black and blue and yet I don’t do anything to fight back. I succumb. I’m not supposed to be weak. Girls are so strong. I should rise but what the hell am I doing down here?
It pains me even more that I am feeling this way because of someone who meant the world to me; who still means so much. You can’t just dismiss someone like that. You’ll only end up missing.
You see love’s a funny thing the way it lingers in the mind, no matter what you do or the passing of time, that ember still glows. Good times take precedent over every incident no matter how poorly spent, so we put on these ridiculous fronts like we were just fooling around.