close to the final lap

Semester 3.1 just ended about 5 days ago for me and so far, I’ve been finding this relaxation and ‘me time’ really good. I did quite a number of fulfilling things the past semester despite being extremely busy with school work and I’ve to say, those definitely changed me. Semester 2.2 was very bland for me, almost too dull to the point I cannot point out even just one thing that built me. I was drowning in misery, letting every tiny thing affect me and that obviously led to my drop in grades, mental health and physical health too. Nonetheless, despite everything, I know that it has already been written down for me anyway. Regardless of what happened, they occurred for concrete reasons and weren’t passing matters. I’ve changed so much and I’m liking it. I’m not being so hard on myself, guys. That’s something.

When Semester 3.1 started, I attended religious classes for about a month or so because my school schedule wasn’t that hectic. I even managed to go to a run even though it was for school purposes, but my friends and I did spend a decent amount of time there. I headed to a new gym called Truefitness which had an amazing ambience I’m considering joining there in the future when I’m financially secure. I also got to carry out the sales process to various business in Singapore. It took a lot of courage, and for someone who isn’t the epitome of sociable, the first few tries were very discouraging and difficult for me. Thankfully I came across a lovely man who was willing to help me out with my school assessment. I also got to finish writing a 20-paged novella despite being overwhelmed with so many assignments because I was so determined to gift it to someone. Up to this day it’s still just there sitting in my Google Drive, nowhere near in the hands of the person in mind.

In June, I visited Yayoi Kusama’s exhibition at the National Gallery and was immersed in different patterns, colours and lights that it’s easily one of my favourite galleries to date. During the fasting month, I also helped out at a nearby mosque to do volunteer work. It was quite tiring but breaking fast with my brothers and sisters in my religion, it created a warmth in my chest that I’ve never felt before. Another part when I had to go out of my comfort zone was to interview a classmate’s mother alone. Again, I’m not the most talkative but I pulled it off pretty well if I’ve to say so myself. Her mother was also welcoming and soon enough I got comfortable. Something I did to reward myself at the end of the month was to sign up for Spotify Premium and I’m loving the ad-free life a lot currently.

July onwards, I was much busier than the previous months. Projects were starting to come into the picture. Amidst the workload, I got to support my friends during their Annual General Meeting to which I also won the lucky draw! It was a night filled with lovely vibes. I also did interviews with older adults at an estate area which was almost intimidating initially but became something I look forward to the consecutive times. I also had the opportunity to meet my friend who flew off to Jordan a year before and we had a lot of fun at the beach. I had way too many things on my plate and still I tried to slot in some spots to go out with friends and family. I didn’t want to be so occupied with school work because that was what I did for the past semesters and it didn’t do me exactly 100% good. Finding a balance was something I achieved in 3.1 and I’m beyond glad. That was also the time I started to be kinder to myself. I was greeted with news I wish I hadn’t known but it also made me move on, for real this time round. No more going back, no more feelings involved–just focusing on myself and the people who matter.

August has been nice to me so far. Finished all the projects with a blast; even went the extra mile for one of the modules to which our tutor told us “additional efforts will be rewarded” and we couldn’t help smiling from ear to ear. I learnt to even make dango when I could’ve used the time for school-related discussions but at least I kinda nailed it? Haha! My friends and I also took the initiative to buy items for a mosque as a form of donation. My first job was also starting so I handled everything smoothly for someone who had so many responsibilities hurled at her (I mean… I did sign up for all of those so yeah). Just last week I got to catch up with my friends again and even watched Annabelle: Creation; my third horror movie in the cinema! I was the noisiest in the theatre, not going to lie.

Looking back at all the things I did in the last four months, I’m so happy it wasn’t spent in low spirits and distress. What I learnt? It’s really about finding balance–only then will one be content. Surround yourself with those you love and love you. Don’t bother about unnecessary comments from others, and especially don’t bother about those who never bothered about you in the first place. Save yourself from any heartbreaks. Give so much attention and love to yourself to make up for all that you’ve spilled towards temporary people.

You’re the only one who has your back at all times anyway.

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on my own

I am picking myself back up and I’m so damn proud of where I am today. Allow me to tell the whole world how I’m starting to give myself credit. Give me the chance to grow even more and to unlock doors to different opportunities. I don’t have someone special by my side now but that’s perfectly fine. As long as I’m on my side–that I’m not going against myself, everything is a whole lot more bearable.