It’s funny because sometimes the love can quickly turn to hate. Sometimes nonchalance becomes intense. Sometimes forever becomes non-existent. Sometimes paragraphs turn to mere words. Sometimes good moments make you wish they were bad so it’ll be easier to forget. Sometimes the book you leave open all the time becomes a book you cannot stand the sight of and just close it shut. Sometimes good friends turn to strangers. You made my world seem right for the first time and soon after you turned it upside down. We have become opposites.
The next time I come across someone who shows signs of not wanting to stick around, I’ll make sure to take my leave first.
Am I in love? Not anymore–so no, and I don’t think I will be any time soon. It’s not like I don’t want to try, rather, I’ll wait when the time is right. I spent so much of the past year hating myself and I want to work on building confidence and independence. I’ve got a lot of takeaways from what happened previously too so I’ll make sure not to repeat the same mistakes and not to fall for what ended up to be insincerity.
I just hope when I give myself another chance, I won’t be let down again. I’m glad though, that now I’m at a place where I was struggling so hard to be. I’m not saying what I’m going through currently is perfect because it’s beyond that (trust me, there are days when I just want to collapse from exhaustion because of all the work I signed up for), but the best part is that I’m growing so much–on my own. It feels good.
I am blessed and I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that. I don’t have the riches of so many things in this world but that’s okay, as long as I have those who understand me and that I’m doing things to contribute to my self-improvement, I have to learn to be more content. Sometimes it gets very difficult but I will always pull through in the end– I mean, I’m still here today, right? I believe you can too.
You told me to be careful with your heart.
I thought it was because it was in the midst of healing from your previous heartache so the pieces are still in the works; that you wouldn’t want me to interrupt your personal growth. I was fine with that. I wanted to see you turn into someone amazing and it was all due to your hard work and determination to be better.
I didn’t know it was supposed to be a warning–that I would hurt myself while picking up the pieces. These shards–your heart–what a terrible combination.